Funny Things

Hey, everybody needs something funny to lighten up their day. That's why I found things like this: (Note: I don't know if one of these words in the opening minute or so is not legal, if it isn't legal, give me a message or something please)
The Dirt Sheet: The Dirty Awards
And a joke:

Alright, so there's this magician on a cruise ship. What's the good news about being a magician on a cruise ship? You can keep your act the same, since there are new guests every week. So no new tricks need to be learned.

Now the captain of this cruise ship has a parrot. The parrot sometimes likes to fly around the cruiseship, as it gets bored. Sometimes it sees the magician's act and stays for all of it.

Now eventually, the parrot noticed that it was the same act over and over. So he started telling how the magician did it while the magician is doing it, like, "He's palming it," or, "it's up his sleeve."

One day though, tragedy strikes. A big waves comes and destroys the whole ship while at sea. Only two things live: The parrot and the magician. So they're both floating on a door in the middle of the ocean. The magician isn't talking to the parrot because he hates the parrot, and the parrot is just looking around. This keeps up for a couple days in silence, before the parrot turns to the magician and says, "I give up. Where'd you put the ship?"